Opportunity Cost Versus Cost Sunk

Last week's Freakonomics podcast entitled "The Upside of Quitting" made me hang my head a bit. It's all about being able to 'give up,' and how in a lot of cases, moving on might be the best thing to do.

So what if I've spent 19+ years working toward an orchestral job? That doesn't mean it's right for me. It just means I've spent a lot of time doing it. Maybe it's time to quit, and maybe that's not such a bad thing. If I do indeed 'quit,' I'm still a flute professor, I'm still a performer -- I'm still a flutist and musician. What exactly, am I quitting? The possibility of having a full-time orchestral job? Is that even what I want anymore, should I finally win the big audition? I really have no idea. I like the versatile jobs I have right now, so what's the problem, really? Is it really so horrible to decide never to have to go through another audition, to never again have to solely practice orchestral excerpts for months at a time?

That actually sounds pretty great. And the best part is: all the time I've been spending worrying about orchestral jobs could be spent getting better at what I'm doing now. I could be spending time working on recitals, finding alternate playing opportunities, working on performance skills, becoming a better teacher, and so much more. Isn't all that a better use of my time than simply playing Mendelssohn's Scherzo for the 90 billionth time?

Six months ago, when creating an OKCupid profile, I labeled myself "persistent, sometimes to a fault." And yet, this self-awareness still didn't result in any sort of quantifiable change. I go right on banging my head against the wall (proverbial or otherwise), and I still can't let go of what might be.

Am I talking about a relationship? Am I talking about a career choice? What about hobbies?

Yes.

In all of the above, I tend to hold on for dear life, even when I know things aren't quite right... even when I have evidence that I'm not happy, or that I'm doing my absolute best (at this point in time) but am still just not succeeding.

It comes to this: I'm petrified of the unknown, so I don't want to give up the known.

This isn't to say I feel like everything is bad, and that I'm in a bad relationship with a bad career and I don't enjoy my hobbies.

Not at all -- it's more just that I think I need to focus more on what is working; I need to work on developing strengths rather than feeling inadequate about whatever weaknesses I perceive.

What does that mean in practical terms? Well, just that I need to be more able to move on if that's what would ultimately make me happy. I need to allow myself to accept and appreciate myself for who I am.