Wow, I've turned into a cheap date. Really, 2 beers and I'm ready to take Advil and head to bed? Either I need to eat more or I'm really getting old.
Okay, so the part that petrifies me:
I'm scared he'll get tired of me. I'm scared I'll get tired of him.
I want the closeness, I want the ease of companionship and compatibility, but I absolutely do not want a relationship that is a sexless friendship. I want a boyfriend, not a roommate.
[Right now] I don't need the marriage certificate or the forever-promise, because I don't particularly believe in either one, especially after a mere 6-ish months of dating. What I do need is something that feels as though it progresses and moves toward a life with someone that I love. And, here's a definite step in that direction.
So, I'm happy. We spend the weekend together [nothing special, just practicing and home improvement] and I have to stop myself from feeling starry-eyed, because that would be simply silly -- no one needs such insistent blinders. But still, I enjoy the time we spend together and I'm excited about living with him.
We don't have a hetero-normative relationship. We have something that would threaten a lot of people. Hell, sometimes it threatens me. But still, it's all within the confines of what I value and who I want to be; I look forward to watching the relationship grow and meanwhile, I look forward to growing a bit myself.
I definitely don't completely know myself yet (and have never claimed as such), but I think I'm getting to the point where I begin to understand what I want, what I can have, and how the two meld into something that can resemble reality.
To begin: a move.
