It recently occurred to me that I don't have to do this.
Okay, so I'm in Philadelphia, and I love it here... but... ultimately, why am I here? Because I think that one day I'll be in the Philadelphia Orchestra?
Probably not going to happen.
And so I do what I can do, I play with lots of great people and I teach lots of great people and things are going well, really - but I can't help but feel... like I'm running all too fast. I'm running so fast that I have to look at my feet, all the time. If I look up, I'll trip, and there's certainly no time to look behind.
So, maybe that's fine. Maybe it's what we're supposed to do - we're supposed to want bigger, better, more famous, more money, the picket fence and the green grass. Maybe we eventually get to the place we so desire. Maybe one day we can stop running and smile and wow, you reached your destination. Isn't that the idea, anyhow?
But then, when I was in Alaska (people there just don't go after things the same way - everything is slower, friendlier, prettier), I realized - it's okay. It's okay to just take a breath. The career will be there in 5 years, and maybe I'm not yet ready for the husband with the 2.5 kids and the dog and cat. It's okay.
All those people that take time off after school to travel and experience and live? Maybe all of a sudden I feel like I missed out.
This next year is taken care of, done, dotted-line-signed... but after that? Depending on how things go, I'm thinking it might be a good time to pick up and move somewhere new, calm, with scenery to die for, and adventures that will make me feel alive.
2 comments:
But see, I get that feeling every year in connection with my Colorado trip. In the end we do what we do because we want or need to do it, and past a certain point regrets are wasted energy--just takes away from the joy of the moment.
Yes, I agree. But why bother with the transitions? Why not just enjoy it all the time and not live from vacation to vacation?
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