I never really thought David Bowie was that cool anyhow.

Normally. When I get bummed out or overwhelmed or in-general-upset, I wind up wandering around a mall and I buy stuff. Bags. Hats. Pillows. Coffee mugs. Sometimes clothes.

Even if it's 100% superficial girl crap, it still somehow makes me feel better.

But the thing is... I don't have the money for it.

So this afternoon, when I felt like I would rather get hit by the oncoming car than step back into place on the right-lighted curb?

I still walked around town. I still ended up at my favorite store. I still tried on clothes I want but do not need.

But.

I did not buy them.

I fingered the leather of the oh-so-perfect purses (and look! this one would fit both my computer and my flute!); I imagined happily carrying them around town. Then, I smiled; I remembered how hard I worked today to earn $165, of which I need every penny for bills and bills and bills, and I left the store.

No purchase necessary to win, right?

I instead went out with a friend, spent $12 on high quality beer and talk, and my bank account thanks me. So this is growing up?

Someday (hopefully soon) there will be an opening...

Meanwhile, I can't help but yearn; both my days and nights are spent trying to figure out which path to take. It's a labyrinth out there.