I feel pressure to be faster... faster than I can be right now, faster than I wonder if I'll ever be...
So I was avoiding it in general. Taking long, entirely too long, walks, but generally not running.
And when I did manage to go out for a run, I would run really freaking hard, as though to prove that I was someone other than myself - someone who could qualify for Boston. And, I hated it. I felt like crap; I wasn't improving; every run was miserable.
But then, the other morning, for my sanity, I knew I needed to do something before I spent a stressful day driving and interviewing. So, I just went for an easy run of 4 miles before I primped and prodded myself into looking professional.
I was slow. But you know? The run was great. I felt strong and happy and I found that natural Zen that I maybe used to take for granted. It was a definite running breakthrough.
(At the end of a torturous long run in Vermont...)
And so I realized - it's high time I started taking some of my own advice.
Because, when people tell me they 'can't run', I almost always tell them to slow down; they're probably running way too fast. If they just slow down a bit as they're getting started, they're going to enjoy it much more, and will actually be able to conquer a bit of distance. Guaranteed.
And even though I'm not just starting out, and even though I'm attempting to qualify for Boston with my 6th (I think?) marathon, I realized I still need to slow down a bit. I need to take things one not-so-proverbial step at a time, and I'll get there.
And even if I don't get there - if I don't manage to get Boston-fast-enough by the time the Philadelphia marathon rolls around, there will still be more time and more marathons and, of course, many more runs.
That's not an excuse to be lazy; I should, without a doubt, push myself to conquer my goals...
But meanwhile, I have to make sure I'm still enjoying myself. Because, let's face it - I'm never going to be a world-class athlete, and that's really perfectly alright.
So, I might as well have fun - or at least allow myself to feel good about it.
After-all, I started all of this so that I would be healthy and happy, both mentally and physically.
Every once in a while, it's definitely worth slowing down enough to remember that.
