I miss the days...

I miss the days when this blog was more annonymous and I could write what I wanted.

I like that my friends and family can keep up with me by reading here (and I think I get a little hurt when friends say they don't read it at least occasionally), but at the same time, I definitely miss being able to say exactly what's going on in my life, without everyone and anyone knowing.

I guess the whole privacy thing is negated by publishing your thoughts on the internet, eh?

But you know... it's not really privacy that I miss - I like that people tell me what they think (I hate that Facebook has taken over blogging and commenting, to a certain extent), and I love meeting new people through the blogosphere.

So, it's not that I don't want people to read this - it's that I want the voice to be someone other than my own. I want to sit down and write from my heart and not feel weird the next time I walk into a rehearsal. I want my internet persona to be different than the actual, fleshblood me.

But, it's entirely too late for that now - so, here we go, I try to write what I'm thinking without revealing too much, without inadvertently hurting the people I love.

I miss the days of newness and excitement and absolutely no wondering or chastising.
I miss the days when she was a kitten.
I miss the days when I couldn't imagine skipping a workout.
I miss the days when my bestfriend was right next to me.
I miss the days when the sun shone in the middle of the night and the moon glowed red from another planet.
I miss the days of no one else in my field of vision.

I guess it's harder than I thought it would be to come back from Alaska. What the hell is wrong with me that I get all transition-funky after a 2-week vacation? You'd think I'd feel good about the next month and a half (bike and build [please donate, time is running out and I still have to raise $145], visiting boy, family vacation in vermont, starting a new job), but instead I just feel anxious.

I have an audition on Saturday, and I'm sure that contributes, but more than that - I just miss Alaskan days (and nights) way more than I thought I would.