But... the proctor said I played well?

Another audition done, and I didn't advance.

I played really well; I wouldn't have changed a thing. Nothing.

Even the proctor said 'Really nicely done, by the way', as she walked me out of the hall.

I just don't understand. What can I possibly do differently?

I feel so unbelievably trapped - trapped because I don't know what else to do with my life, and this whole playing for a living thing is obviously not quite working out. I'm 27 and haven't advanced in too many years.

Trapped in a cycle of audition ads and false hopes and everything crashing down after $500 and a 7 minute audition.

But also, trapped because I am a musician and I have no where to play.

And right now, I'm literally trapped in this hotel room. It's a beautiful day, but I have no where to go. If I go to another concert (and I could), I'd have to tell everyone there that I didn't get the job, and that's just embarrassing.

If I don't go though, I instead sit here on the half-made bed, while listening to the high school lacrosse players' mayhem in the surrounding rooms [never before have I seen such a beat-up group of boys], watching the sun go down through the window, and wishing I was someplace else.

Hell, anyplace else.

So maybe I'll stop my wallowing and drive myself downtown.

Or maybe I'll just go to the hotel bar.