I was afraid I had lice.

I looked in the mirror this morning and started to brush my hair...and I started seeing all these little white things...

And I have had lice once before when I was in 7th grade and it was a HORRIBLE experience; I got kicked out of the beauty salon mid-haircut and everything. Damn slumber parties.

So, this mornings' sightings rightfully freaked me out.

And then I looked closer, and realized that it definitely wasn't lice. My head doesn't itch, for one...not to mention that the white stuff looked suspiciously like dandruff.

Except I've never had dandruff before, so why now?

And then I realized...

I had sunburned my head through my helmet in Arizona last week and forgotten about it. So, the dandruff? It's actually my scalp peeling.

So now I added dandruff hair to my previously acquired bike-short tan lines and bloody, chaffed legs.

Hot, right?

The Most Important Thing to Bring to a Running Race?

Not your shorts or your shirt or your watch or even your shoes.

I'm now convinced it's Body Glide.

I did forget my shoes though...or, I forgot my light-and-therefore-fast shoes, so I had to race in my trainers...which is actually fine because now I don't have to deal with blisters, and let's face it - the couple of seconds the other shoes would have saved me don't really matter at all.

I ran the Freehold St. Paddy's Day 10 mile Race this morning, and considering my lack of running lately, I'm pretty happy with the way it went.

The chaffing, though? That's not so cool. I won't be able to wear jeans for at least a few days...and how am I supposed to be a college student without jeans?!?

Anyway, the weather was chilly at first, but ended up being perfect for running. I wore shorts (hence the need for Body Glide) and a long sleeved shirt, but I really could have been in a t-shirt once I started running. It was about 35-40 degrees and sunny, with almost no wind. The course was rolling, but there was only one hill that made me groan. The last 2 miles were mostly downhill, and I believe I managed a negative split, with my last mile coming in at 7:36 (and since my 5k pace is 7:26, that's pretty much as fast as I was going to be able to go). According to my watch, I finished in just over 1:22. The only other 10m race I've ran was last year, and I did it in 1:20, but at that point I had been hard-core marathon training with lots of speed work, so I'm kind of pleasantly surprised that I can run at an 8:15 pace for 10 miles right now.

My drinking water while racing skills are getting a little bit better, although plastic cups are harder to handle than paper ones, and I still had to slow down a bit and I kind of choked at one point.

It was nice to race; I haven't really ran since the Philadelphia Marathon, I think. Although, when I was in the midst of it, I was definitely thinking 'What the hell? This is stupid. I'm never doing this again. I just want to ride my bike at a reasonable pace and not feel like I'm going to puke.' But you know, afterwards it feels great and sprinting across the finish line makes you feel like you really accomplished something.

The Obligatory Splits:
mile 1 - 8:19
mile 2 - 8:16
mile 3 - 8:26 (water)
mile 4 - 8:17
mile 5 - 8:07
mile 6 - 8:24 (water and hill)
mile 7 - 8:08
mile 8 - 8:15 (water)
mile 9 - 8:12
mile 10 - 7:36

total - 1:22:05 (but I was 20 seconds behind the start line, so the official results are 1:22:25), 8:14/m official pace

Oh, and the post-race food? Hot Dogs, Bagels, Donuts, Apples, Coke, and Beer...couldn't be better, really...

I feel so freaking disgusting.

Last week in Arizona, I ate whatever I wanted. I ate and ate and ate and ate. I even ate what I didn't want. I finished everyone's breakfast and easily downed 10 cookies without even thinking.

Because, when you're biking 80 or so miles a day, it's fine to eat superfluously.

But now this week, I'm not biking...but I don't think my body has really figured that out yet. I'm so hungry all the time and I have no control over what goes down the hatch.

Today, I had pizza AND fries. And a fried fish sandwich. Ugh. I feel kind of nauseous even thinking about it.

The pizza was because it was what was served for lunch at the recording session...and all of a sudden my apple and bottle of Ensure didn't really cut it.

And then the fries and the sandwich? Well, we were celebrating being finished with the whole recording thing, and I just ordered like an idiot. I should have been a rabbit and ate a freaking salad, even though salads are probably the most boring food on the planet. Then at least I wouldn't be complaining right now.

But, the point is...I'm going to start gaining some serious weight if I don't regain control. Plus, I just feel so gross - it's definitely not worth it. So, from now on? I can't say I'll deprive myself of everything that tastes good (I love food too much for that), but I'll try to at least indulge in moderation.

So, I can have a bread-bowl at Panera, but I have to get the low-fat chicken noodle soup instead of the broccoli and cheese. And only one cookie a day. And only one bowl of cereal in the morning. And I'll bring my lunch to school and actually eat it.

And to top it off? I might even try to start doing some training again. Tomorrow is a 10 mile road race, so maybe that'll be a good place to start.

You Can't Laugh and Play the Flute at the Same Time

I'm in the midst of some recording sessions with the Wind Ensemble at school.

It's countless hours of sitting still and being quiet and attempting to play perfectly.

Yesterday was 5 hours, today is another 7. And believe me, there will be much celebrating when we're done.

But last night, as we approached hour 5, I lost it.

We were done recording all of our concert music and were working on some educational pieces for elementary school bands.

It wouldn't be long until we were done; we just needed three clean takes.

The piece was called "Chrysalis", and was supposedly about a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. I don't even know what was so funny (maybe the guy in the audience flapping his arms, pretending to be a butterfly?), but I could not stop laughing.

I haven't had a laughing fit like that since I was in a chamber music concert in 11th grade and the violinist's stand kept falling down.

I had tears streaming down my face and I was shaking uncontrollably and I kept trying to play, but I would end up just choking on laughter, unable to make a sound on the flute.

And yeah, I do believe I ruined a take or two.

So, this morning I went for an early run, in the hopes that I'll be more sedated and not get quite as slap-happy. No promises though; sitting still from 10am-5pm on a sunny Spring Saturday has never really been my strong-point.

I just got the living shit scared out of me by a squirrel.

I was walking to get some lunch and all of a sudden this THING jumped out of a trashcan and landed right in front of my feet.

I don't think I've screamed that loudly, or been that legitimately scared, in a long time.

And then I saw my little, chubby, baby-face in the storefront window - looking so frightened - and had to laugh.

I only wish I had it on video.

I'm sure it gets old.

You know, the constant ups and downs that I'm always raving or whining about.

'Hey, I LOVE LIFE. Everything is GREAT!!'

and then, 2 days later...

'This sucks. I quit. I want to hide somewhere warm.'

So, I'm sorry.

If it's any consolation, it gets old to me too. Hell, I'm the one that has to feel it, and not just read about it. And you know, if you don't like it, you can click the little red x and close me...believe me, sometimes I wish I could click my own little red x.

But anyway, I'll be fine. I don't know what I'm going to do about school or the IronMan or anything else for that matter...but I do know that for now, I have to just go on with my daily scheduled events and do the best I can, even if I wish I was more prepared.

And even if I wish some things were different.

Because, a lot of things are good...and as we all know, you need the bad to recognize the good.

A friend took these. I promise I won't post more tomorrow.

PAC Tour Hall of Fame (10,000 miles or more)

Me and the owner of the Bisbee Bicycle Brothel

Me taking a picture of the Bisbee Bicycle Brothel

Lon, as we found him.

And, now my quads are gone.

I've barely been back 3 days and I can already feel my quads disappearing. My tan lines are leaving too...I know I complained about both of them before, but really, I was kind of proud - I worked pretty hard for them.

I love the feeling of your legs getting bigger and your pants getting a little tighter - not because you're getting fat, but because you're gaining muscle and muscle takes up room in your clothes.

But, I know what can be gained in a week can also be lost in a week, and it was silly to think that that fitness would stick around.

I'm about to lose my shit, quite honestly. There is too much I need to do and I really just want to go out and ride my bike and not have to deal with any of it.

I had rehearsals starting at 10am today, so I had to start warming up at 9...and I didn't put my flute down until just before 6pm. The whole freaking day I was either practicing or rehearsing or teaching and I STILL didn't get enough practicing in, but I'm incapable of playing anymore today because my lips might actually fall off.

And I have a presentation tomorrow and I don't know what the hell to say or how to figure out what to say because it turns out I've been bullshitting my way through my life and my professors this semester are the first ones to figure it out.

I don't even know if I want this degree. I never meant to go back to school. It just kind of...happened. And I really don't want to be here at school or even in New Jersey for the next year, but I've put so much work into it already...and they're paying me to get the degree...but I don't even know if I even want to be a teacher.

I don't know what the hell I want. And that's really scary.

And I haven't done any sort of training since I got back. Sunday I needed a rest day, and then yesterday I was too busy with school stuff, and today was a bit of the same although I should be in the pool right now, but I just need a freaking second to breathe and I'm not going to go to the pool.

And I have a chamber recital and a concerto competition and a recording session and I don't know ANY of the music well enough.

And an IronMan.

And so here it is: I've been thinking about ditching the IronMan. I just don't know how I'm going to be able to train properly.

Although, once May hits, I'll be free as a bird...and then I'll still have May and most of June to get in shape as long as I keep up with normal training until then.

But I don't know, I just wanted to do it right this time, but I simply don't have the hours in the day.

I need sleep, it turns out.

And the thing is...it's just constant stress that I'm not fitting in the workouts. No matter how much I do with school or work or training or fund-raising, it's just not enough because I bit off way more than I can chew.

I don't know. I wish I was someone who could just gogogogogogo, but I need some down time, and I need to be able to do things well.

And I don't know how to do that with my current schedule.

And I wish my jeans were still tight.

More Pictures from Arizona

publicity shot for the bar and tour

on the piano with gun and boa

the girls

and more of the girls

Getting off the piano, without gun or boa

I just ate cereal with powdered milk...I don't recommend it.

As usual, I need to go grocery shopping.

I'm back home after having some really screwed up dreams on the plane...of course ones about the plane crashing, but also weirder things that I can't even really describe.

Anyway, it's nice to be home. I'm not looking forward to being back at school and dealing with everything I had failed to accomplish over the last month, but it's still good to be in my own apartment and sitting in my own bed.

Being really and truly away for a week made me realize how unsatisfied I am with my life here. I don't like my classes and I don't have any friends that I can count on. The flute stresses me out and training has become a chore. So I need to take a step (or a leap) backwards and figure out exactly what I'm doing, and how to fix the stuff that just plain sucks.

Of course, everything is going to start up again tomorrow and I'll barely have time to unpack before my first spinning classes and rehearsals. It's so easy to get completely buried underneath all the CRUD; I'm going to try to take it easy this week - I need to get a lot of stuff done, but only one thing at a time so that I can do things well.

So, I biked a crazy number of miles over the past week. I had never even biked for 7 days in a row before, and I managed something like 518 miles over 8 days...

Day 1- 33m to the cactus park
Day 2- 88m from Tucson to Tombstone
Day 3- 77m from Tombstone to Wilcox
Day 4- 56m from Wilcox to the Chiricahuas (the wheels fell off on this day - the ride was supposed to be 91m, but I bailed on the last couple of sections), 4m run
Day 5- 79m from Wilcox to Tombstone
Day 6- 52m from Tombstone to Bisbee, around Bisbee, and back (cut this ride short too - it could have been something like 86m - but it was an optional route, and a lot of people did the trip I did - I still managed 2 hard core climbs)
Day 7- 100m from Tombstone to Tucson (92 mile ride, with 8m around Tombstone before breakfast)
Day 8- 6m run and 33m to the cactus park again

The only day I was really disappointed in myself was Day 4. I just gave up; it was a really hard ride, and going home would have been uphill into a headwind...I rationalized stopping by saying I needed to be able to make it through the rest of the week without blowing up, which is true of course...but still, I could have finished. So, I made myself go for a run when I got back to the hotel. Running at 4500 feet of altitude? Not all that fun. My legs felt fine, but my breathing was totally spastic.

The rest of the week, I pushed myself. Like I've said repeatedly, I'm not all that fast. But, by the end of the week, I could climb the mountain without crying and manage to stay on the wheels of people who were specks in the distance on the first day. I've also said this a couple times already, but it really is amazing how you get stronger throughout the week. You would think your legs would get increasingly sore and tired and each day would be harder...but in actuality, each day felt slightly more natural and manageable.

I'll keep working and one of these days, I'll be a strong rider.

And you know what? 518 miles over mountains in the desert isn't exactly weak. You have to keep things in perspective, I guess.

So, that was bike camp. I met some interesting people, biked more than ever before, and managed to have fun. I'll definitely go back next year...I already checked out my Spring Break dates and what week I'll be able to attend.

It's so tempting to get up and leave all the complications and stresses of New Jersey and school and just be on the road all the time...but eventually the crap would catch up with you, and it's nice to have the road as a place to escape.

And this summer? 9 weeks of just riding and seeing the country from a bike? I can't freaking wait.

Reviewing

It's so easy to underestimate people...to assume that because of their demeanor, they don't have a firm or realistic outlook on life.

And then you talk to them for a while, and you realize...shit, maybe this person actually has it more together than I thought - and yeah, maybe more than I do.

Walking away.
Not looking back.
Keeping busy.
Believing in yourself more than anyone else.
Knowing that keeping yourself happy is important, perhaps most important.
And knowing too that the people you care about - they're important too, but shouldn't come first.

All things I can have trouble doing...yet, still...all things I think I have somewhere inside of me.

PAC Bike Camp: Day 7

Today was the last official day, and I did my century ride. I woke up early and rode about 8 miles and then rode from Tombstone, AZ to Tucson, AZ...over the other side of the same mountain that we rode on the first day, and I felt stronger than I've ever felt.

It's so interesting how after a week of long rides, I don't at all feel tired or worn out. Each day (with the exception of the third day--more about that later) I felt stronger. It definitely had a lot to do with mental confidence, but it was also just plain physical strength that I gained. Of course, both are invaluable.

This week has been one of the best weeks I can remember. Meeting new people, getting away from everything, improving on the bike, and finding out more of what I'm capable both mentally and physically - it was the best Spring Break I could possibly imagine.

You know, it's a weird thing, but I always feel like if I can do something, then it can't be that difficult; it can't be extra-ordinary. I know I'm just a normal person living a normal life...so if I can climb the mountain, surely everyone can.

But here's the thing to try to remember: even if that statement is true, even if anyone and everyone can climb the mountain, it doesn't mean they are, in fact, doing it.

And I am.

I'm out there; I'm not going to be a biking superstar or a world famous flutist, but I know what I love and I do those things and I don't give up. It might be stubborn-ness; it might be endurance or perseverance. Whatever you call it though, I'm glad I've got it.

Last night's sunset over the mountains in Tombstone; it wasn't blurry on purpose, but I think it actually turned out alright.

PAC Bike Camp: Day 6

I'm so sad it's coming to an end. Getting away from everything was just what I needed; I can't remember the last time I felt so relaxed. It's kind of scary to realize how wound up I was - and that I didn't even really know it. I have absolutely no desire to go back to real life. Here, I have no responsibilities or unnecessary stress - nothing to worry about besides getting from Point A to Point B...and hopefully avoiding saddle sores in the process.

I think I'm converted.

Could it really be true? Could there be a cyclist inside of me after-all?!? After spending the week as a roadie, I'm seeing more of the appeal, and I've almost completely forgotten about triathlon aspirations. Instead I've been thinking about RAAM and Brevets and PBP and the biking world is basically in a different solar system than the one in which I've been operating.

And I kind of love it.

And it turns out, I'm not such a horrible biker. Now, don't get me wrong - I'm slow and I'm not fast and I'm uncoordinated and everything else bad, but I'm also getting stronger every day, and I now know there is actually potential there.

So, tomorrow is the last official day (I have all day Saturday here too, so I'll probably go out on my own for something like a 35-50 mile ride), and we're scheduled for 92 miles over a mountain, back to Tucson. I'm getting up early to do 8 miles beforehand so that I'll have conquered a century ride this trip. I know that in terms of training, 92 miles isn't that different than 100 miles...but hell, that 8 miles is 8 miles and I'll have done 100...and somehow, that makes a difference.

At the top of Mule Pass on the way to Bisbee, AZ (where there is the cutest bicycle shop I've ever seen - it's called 'Bisbee Bicycle Brothel', and I got a couple of awesome t-shirts featuring naked ladies on bikes)

PAC Bike Camp: Day 5

PAC Bike Camp: Day 4

And that about sums it up.

PAC Bike Camp: Days 2+3

This is just a temporary, 'I'm not dead', post.

Biking has been quite the experience. Insanely hard at times, but all in all, I'm holding my own. I'm not the last person in, which, even though it shouldn't matter, is a relief.

Yesterday was 86m up a mountain and today was 77m and much more manageable. Today was supposed to only be 75, but I had to turn back after lunch because I had forgotten my helmet. Yeah, I'm a goober.

Just one quick story: Yesterday, as we started going DOWN the mountain (after an 11m climb), the headwind was so strong that I was in my smallest gear, pedaling as hard as I could, and still only going 6mph. Unreal. I would have shouted into the wind, but I didn't have any breath to spare.

But then we turned into the valley and the wind was at our backs and we were going 25mph without working at all. SO much fun, and totally worth the work.

Today I got sleeted and snowed and rained on. Tomorrow and the rest of the week are supposed to be basically ideal weather, but hell, if I had wanted to wear winter gear and freeze my ass off, I could have stayed in NJ.

But really, it's been awesome so far. I have a bunch of pictures that I'll post as soon as I can gather up the energy. Lon and Susan (the couple that runs the PAC tour) are amazing and the whole thing just runs perfectly smoothly. I definitely recommend their tours to anyone.

On the downside, I'm gaining about 15lbs a day. We just eat and eat and eat and I can't stop eating and my clothes aren't going to fit for long.

I've been getting massages at night, and it's like I'm at a resort...except you have to bike 90 miles to get your massage. Tomorrow is a huge 12m climb and a total of 91m. I'm not scared anymore.

PAC Bike Camp: Day 1

My bag is the orange one. Note that it is NOT the biggest one there!

This picture doesn't do the view any justice at all.

The biggest cactus I've ever seen.

Another inadequate picture of the view.

Saguaro State Park

Me and some cacti.

I've always wanted one of these...

(Check out the written version at my FlashPoint blog.)

PAC Bike Camp: Day 0

If you can believe it, I'm at a resort in Arizona. My mom was coincidentally in Phoenix this weekend for a wedding, so I flew in a day early to see her.

The plane trip was 5 and a half hours long. I slept through a lot of it, but god it's a long time. By the end, I was antsy as all hell and taking pictures of myself with my phone. So, here's me, REALLY tired, with the massive-est zit in the world on my forehead (I haven't broken out in years; I don't know what the hell happened), and hands that still have bike grease all over them from fighting with the damn pedals for hours. (To my credit, even when I gave in and brought it to the store, the guy there had trouble too.)


But I'm here, safe and sound. I've never been to a real resort before and so didn't know what to expect. Yeah, I'm definitely not complaining so far! It's perfectly gorgeous weather; I already have tan lines on my back from swimming for just 45 minutes (yep, I managed drills and sets in the hotel pool with kids swimming around and on top of me). It's the curse of the easily tanned--you're destined to horrific tan lines all summer long.

My back with the beginnings of the summer's tan. No comments about the love handles; I'll get rid of 'em before IM.

My bike came with me on the plane and is still in its box. I'm holding my breath that it's okay; I'm too scared to open it and check so I'll just wait until tomorrow in Tucson. It should be fine; it's in the proper box and I followed the directions when packing it...but you know, it's scary to put a $3,000 bike on a plane no matter what. Hell, it was scary just taking the thing apart. I almost took my other crappy bike just because I didn't want the Orbea to get scratched. But I refuse to be a grandmother with plastic over her couches, so I crossed my fingers and knotted my hair and sent the bike on its way, entrusted in the care of our loyal TSA employees.

So, I have the rest of the day to relax and then my mom is bringing me to Tucson in the morning. Tomorrow is just a simple on-your-own ride; Sunday is when the everything really kicks into high gear.

I'm nervous. I don't know if I can do it, and I don't want to be the pain in the butt last arriver everywhere and every time. But then again, I signed up for the camp to get better, so even if I can't finish or even if I am the slowest, I'll still do my best and I'll still improve. And if my ego suffers a little in the meantime? It could be a good thing.

My mom sitting in the sun after swimming laps with me.

Are we the fish looking out or the people looking in?

While eating dinner at Panera tonight, I got caught staring. Again. .

Not only do I have a staring problem (this is old news), but it's actually something I really enjoy.

It's not all that uncommon to appreciate people-watching, but as I was sitting there tonight, I realized that I would be completely happy to just sit around and watch people all day.

I invent these stories about them, wondering who they are and what they do. And I get lost in thought and it's one of the few times that I'm truly relaxed.

Unfortunately, people have this knack for knowing when you're staring at them. I've been told it's considered rude. (A lady once turned to me and asked if she could help me. Luckily, that time I actually DID know the person she was with and it was all acceptable...but it could have happened anytime.)

So, I try to keep it on the down-low and sneak glances.

But really, I'd rather just stare.

Controlling the Impulse

As everyone knows, I've always been pretty damn impulsive.

We've got the 'Hey, I'm going to do an IronMan in June' thing that I decided in, oh...March. And then numerous items purchased, emails sent, conversations gone bad, and phone numbers called that just didn't need to exist; alas, things might have been better if they hadn't existed.

But of course, sometimes really good things come of it too. The IronMan ended up great...and in general, even though I might decide things on the seeming spur of the moment, I still put my head and heart 100% into everything, last minute decision or not.

So it's not all negative, this heated manner of existing.

But then there are the bad things...primarily, getting into situations that I never would have wanted for myself (or anyone, for that matter). Getting into them because I'm bored and 'Hell, why not?' or because I think it's justified, or just...because...

So without going into any kind of unnecessary, lurid detail, I just want to say that I was proud of myself over this past weekend. I didn't let unnecessary complications enter my life. Instead of figuring out what I wanted after the fact, I thought about things before I acted.

And so as much as I like that I'm able to do things on a whim, I definitely have to acknowledge that being a little more in control can feel pretty freaking great.

Work Sucks

It's the last week before Spring Break and of course everything is piling up. I have a paper to write, another abstract due, and hours upon hours of practicing and training to somehow fit in.

And I just don't want to do it anymore. I'm bored and cranky and ready to be done.

But next week?! ARIZONA!! With temperatures in the 70s and biking to my heart's content. I'll even get to see my mom briefly.

So, back to the practice room and library so that I don't fail out of school during my last semester of classes. The calm will come soon...

Profile Up!

Hey, check it out! The interview I did with Hak at The Outdoor Journey is now online.

Bike Camp

One week from today, I'll be on my way to Arizona for PAC Bike Camp. I have to admit, I'm kind of nervous.

It's 80-100 miles a day for 7 days, and umm...I haven't ridden more than 65 since June 21, 2006 (yes, the IronMan).

I'm in good shape right now; I'm strong (weight lifting works!) and relatively lean. I've been teaching Spinning three times a week all year, and done lots and lots of trainer riding (a.k.a. Sex and the City watching). But, 80-100 miles a day with a bunch of guys? Yikes.

I'll be fine. So what if I'm the slowest person there? (I just might be.) I'll finish and by the time I'm done I'll be a biking rock-star. I've never done anything like this before; I'm nervous, but I'm also incredibly excited.

I'm bringing my computer and my camera. So, get ready for some posts from the roads of Arizona.

Oh, and...does anyone know what a gear bag is and what you're supposed to put in it?!?

January 28 - March 06

What happened between those dates?

Well, a lot of things.

But, more notable is what DIDN'T happen. Namely, me doing laundry.

So, today rehearsal was canceled and I had the afternoon off, so I broke down and got myself to the laundry-mat. And you know what? It's not so bad.

The bad part is being back home and having to fold the four loads of clothes and towels and sheets...especially because my stupid closet is still broken and I don't really have anywhere to put the clothes once they're folded. It's going to be a big mess.

Plus, I have to get my bike packed up and shipped by tomorrow or I won't have one at Bike Camp. I can't believe it's already almost time for Spring Break. What the hell happened to this semester?!?

Oh, and for those of you who are going to make comments...yes, I do have enough underwear to make it 5+ weeks without washing my clothes. I still have more, in fact. I was just completely out of almost everything else...

Yee-Haw!

I know I tend to spend money when I'm feeling kind of cruddy (i.e. the iPhone in Florida after the audition). I would say it's a bad thing, except that there are plenty of worse things I could do to achieve the desired release. And so, I'm just going to apologize briefly to my bank account and justify myself by saying that at least I don't drink myself into oblivion...or shoot up...because both are equally tempting, of course.
I finally found and bought the cowboy boots I've been wanting for a long, long time. Yeah, I know they're not really 'in' anymore, but I still love 'em. And let's face it, I'm not a model for timely fashion anyway. So, Bike and Build sweatshirt is officially taken off (and put in my mountainous pile of laundry); cowboy boots are on.

And you know what? The whole spending money thing? It works. Of course, it could just be the passing of time, but with the arrival of the boots, I feel about 8888x better than I did over the weekend.

I ran.

Outside. In shorts. And a t-shirt.

By myself.

And it was awesome.

I ran a 2 mile warm up, 2 miles of tempo through the horrible mountains of Bucceleuch Park, and then a 2 mile cool down.

I know it's not Spring yet, but with yesterday and today's temperature in the 50s and this weekend's upcoming time change, I'm definitely starting to feel the fact that the earth is getting closer to the sun with each passing moment.

I enjoy running with other people, especially during my long runs. But, there is just something about lacing up your shoes and running from your house, only paying attention to your breathing and letting everything else disappear. Not listening to any chatter from your friend or your mind and just being content with moving forward, no matter how fast or slow.

Tonight I have a 3500 meter swim to conquer, and I'll officially feel like I'm back on track.

It feels good.

Now...if only I could tear myself away from the computer and get my butt to a practice room...

Damn Facebook Applications (how is it possible they're accurate?!?)

What musical instrument are you?
Your result: Violin

You are at the 'top' of your game. you are generally very popular and sociable. You like talking to people, and having debates and such. You are very intelligent, and sometimes these debates make you look very pompous. Try not being too 'stuck-up' because you are very emotionally unstable and might need a shoulder to cry on. Violins often trap themselves into situations and have no TRUE friends to lean on, this is where we get such sad melodies. Try being genuine and honest with a few people and build strong meaningful relationships. You are definitely a socialite and sometimes a heavy drinker. Don't make a fool out of yourself, party-animal!

Wisdom of the Peaceful Warrior

In an era filled with war-time politics, protests, and devastation, the phrase 'Peaceful Warrior' can seem to be a hopeless oxymoron. I mean, really...War...Peace...aside from naming a famous novel, the two don't really coincide.

So, I admit that when I first got The Wisdom of the Peaceful Warrior, I wasn't all that excited to read it. I was appropriately glad to have 'won' the contest, but it took 3 weeks of sitting on my bedside table before I actually cracked the book open.

I haven't read the first book, or any of Dan Millman's other books, so I had no idea what to expect. I have; however, read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, My Name is Ishmael, Sophie's World, and other semi-similar books, so once I started, the format became familiar.

As Hak said in his review, in this book Millman excerpts the most influential passages from The Peaceful Warrior and explains them in more depth, answering questions that have been asked of him in the 25 years since the original publication.

I acknowledge that the book would have been even more useful had I read the first book (after-all, the tag line on the recent book is 'A Companion to the Book that Changes Lives'). But, I also think that if anyone wants a brief but comprehensive survey of Millman's philosophy and way of life, this book can be incredibly beneficial standing alone.

I wholeheartedly enjoyed this book, and I recommend it to anyone looking for a different perspective on our world and how we live in it. As an athlete, Millman is unsurpassed and his athletic ability is evident in his writing. He might not address specific triathlon or running or even gymnastic (he's an Olympic gymnast, for those who didn't know) issues, but his day to day prowess can help anyone - and can especially help those that are as driven to succeed in work, athletics, or just about anything. His philosophy only requires commitment (something with which all athletes easily identify); after that, it's all simple.

This month, the book goes on to TriBoomer, who was the randomly picked winner of the contest for February. He'll get the traveling book to which he'll add his signature and send on its way at the end of March, and he'll get a copy for himself to keep in his library. Go to his blog for the next chance to win.

I dog-eared more pages than could possibly be quoted, so I'll just end with a few of my favorites.

"Even the idea of 'living in the present moment' is a paradox, since the present moment doesn't actually exist! By the time I utter the word 'now', between nnnn and owww a thousand moments have come and gone. We cannot grasp the moment or seize the day; all we can do is go with the flow of time. There's no past, no future, no present - no time at all. When I speak of 'staying in the present,' I'm referring to focusing on what's right in front of us and not getting preoccupied with either memories or imagined futures."

"One of the lessons most difficult for me to grasp was that my emotional and mental suffering came not so much from what was happening, but from my thoughts about what was happening. As Mark Train wrote, "I've had many troubles in my life, most of which never happened.""

"Anyone can claim to be happy - how can we know if it's true? Is there a difference between feeling happy and acting happy? And which is more controllable - feeling happy or behaving as we were? And here's another question worth pondering: Would you rather live with an enlightened person who acted crazy, or a crazy person who acted enlightened?"

"Now is the warrior's moment, and this is a warrior's realization: No matter what we're thinking or feeling - whether we're sad or motivated, shy or assertive, confident or full of doubt - the quality of our lives will always depend, in large part, on what we do today. Today is the doorway to the future; today we build the foundation for what follows."

Drunk at 3, Hungover by 7

I didn't end up racing the half marathon this morning.

It was $30 for an ugly t-shirt and only water on the course. So, I played bandit along with a friend.

The good news is that we kept running after the race to get in a solid 2 hours and 30 minutes of running. Also good is that I didn't push it more than I needed to in terms of a pace.

The bad news is that dodging the finish line didn't work out so well and we had to jump through some bushes to avoid the shoot. Also bad is that we didn't 'race' so I didn't get any kind of idea of how fast my little legs can carry me these days.

But, there will be plenty of other chances to race in the near future, I'm sure.

After the race, I went with a few others to get a burger and beer...which turned into 2 beers...which turned into 3+...which is enough to make me drunk after a long run and not enough food.

So, I crashed this afternoon, woke up with a headache, and still haven't gotten around to doing my laundry. Teaching spinning tomorrow morning with no clean sports bras or bike shorts will be interesting.

At Least I Looked Pretty

Because that was about the only redeeming factor of tonight's performance.

I hate high F-sharps...and low C-sharps...and right now I kinda hate Stravinsky. Except, he's cool and it's hard to hate him.

The good news is that I don't have a self-esteem problem, right?

Now, to bed so that I can run a half marathon in the morning. I'm hoping for under 1:50, but I actually have no idea what I'm capable of running right now, so I'll be relatively happy with anything under 1:55.

Stravinsky

I'm playing principal flute in Stravinsky's Firebird tonight. Usually when I'm about to play principal in a major piece, I get totally flipped out and don't enjoy myself at all. But today, I don't have the energy to even get nervous and so I'm thinking I might actually have fun. I feel completely comfortable with the part, despite my off-beat paranoia and hatred. Stravinsky might be a semi-cold composer, but I still love him, especially the Firebird era. I'm pretty damn lucky to get to play this part.

It'll be my last big part of the year, because on the next concert I'm just playing the concerto...which is fine by me. It'll give me more time, both because of less of a need to practice and also because of fewer rehearsals.

So, here we go...wish me luck. I'll put up a recording as soon as I can. It usually takes a few days since I have to steal a copy from the front office because I'm sure as hell not going to pay $10 to hear myself play.

Motivating

I've been pathetic training-wise lately.

Really pitiful, as in I've only done 6 hours so far this week. And I'm supposed to be on my bike right now, but I can't get myself out of bed.

It's lame.

And I don't know how I'm going to make it through the 80 mile a day bike camp or the MS 150 or Wildflower or Coeur d'Alene if I don't get my act together.

Some things are good, some things are bad...and I'm just having trouble compartmentalizing.

Why does it all have to be so complicated, messy, and overall...painful?