Oh Yeah, Cause You're SOOO Fat.
I've gained some 5-7 pounds this winter. And I mean, I know I haven't been exactly 100% on my IronMan training, but it's not like I'm inactive. I still do way more than the average bear...
And so, I guess it's frustrating.
Partly because I care what I look like, but also because I just feel gross - both physically and mentally.
It's really interesting how your mind fixates on everything that creates insecurity. When I'm a little thinner, first of all it's never enough - I always want a few more pounds off, just 'cause...and then also, I never really notice anyone around me as being smaller or bigger. I definitely don't look at people and think 'Hey, I look better than you.' But right now? It seems like every. single. girl. is tiny...and I'm huge.
I'm not huge, I know this. I'm a size 4-6, and that is not big. But in comparison to the idiot stick figures that seem to abound when that's all my eyes are letting me see? I'm a freaking giant. Big bones and all.
And it's kind of silly, but I really want it off for my recital in 2 weeks, but it doesn't look like it's going to be possible. My metabolism seems to have taken an extended vacation.
Anyway, I guess I mentioned something about feeling fat a couple days ago in the hallway at school...and this guy said, kind of under his breath 'Oh yeah, 'cause you're SOO fat.'
And that made me realize that I was being a sort-of idiot. It's not idiotic to care what the scale says (especially from someone who used to be about 30 pounds heavier), but it is idiotic to obsess about it, and to refuse to see what the rest of the world sees.
The pictures from my recital might not look like last years', but they're still me...and plus or minus that 7 pounds, there's nothing really wrong with that.
And so, I guess it's frustrating.
Partly because I care what I look like, but also because I just feel gross - both physically and mentally.
It's really interesting how your mind fixates on everything that creates insecurity. When I'm a little thinner, first of all it's never enough - I always want a few more pounds off, just 'cause...and then also, I never really notice anyone around me as being smaller or bigger. I definitely don't look at people and think 'Hey, I look better than you.' But right now? It seems like every. single. girl. is tiny...and I'm huge.
I'm not huge, I know this. I'm a size 4-6, and that is not big. But in comparison to the idiot stick figures that seem to abound when that's all my eyes are letting me see? I'm a freaking giant. Big bones and all.
And it's kind of silly, but I really want it off for my recital in 2 weeks, but it doesn't look like it's going to be possible. My metabolism seems to have taken an extended vacation.
Anyway, I guess I mentioned something about feeling fat a couple days ago in the hallway at school...and this guy said, kind of under his breath 'Oh yeah, 'cause you're SOO fat.'
And that made me realize that I was being a sort-of idiot. It's not idiotic to care what the scale says (especially from someone who used to be about 30 pounds heavier), but it is idiotic to obsess about it, and to refuse to see what the rest of the world sees.
The pictures from my recital might not look like last years', but they're still me...and plus or minus that 7 pounds, there's nothing really wrong with that.
posted by Curly Su at 4/08/2008 09:51:00 AM
7 Comments:
What happened to the "I like my jeans fitting tighter because of my big cycling muscles" girl?
I liked her better. Haha.
No one thinks stick girls are attractive. That is just myth perpetrated by girls who are just really really hungry. :-)
CS,
your beautiful. Don't let magazines trap your mind. They spend hours of their non 'working' lives in make up and hair chairs.
You have natural beauty they don't have. And your music will make you glow more than any perfect lighting.
I was glad to read that you seem to be doing a nice job of getting your head around this weight thing.
Oh, and as an old guy, I must warn you that your metabolism will really begin to slow to a crawl in a few more decades.
But that is life and we deal with it.
That's what winters are for...put a little on, work it off during the summer, you'll be fine.
For example, just last weekend I was finally able to stop wearing my man bra....spending the whole summer on a bike/building houses,you'll be rocking that 6 pack in no time.
I like triathletes of all shapes and sizes and you're one of them. good of you to pay attention to your body but you said it, "idiotic to obsess about it".
stick thin girls = gross
you = gorgeous
Honestly...I'm petrified I'll be the biggest (and slowest) in next month's Half Ironman at a size 12. Scary. And to think, you once gave me clothes of yours that I could FIT in!!!! *Sigh*
You rock, Su. No worries.
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