I knew him as a classical player...

I went to school with Greg at the Cleveland Institute of Music. He was one of my best friends there (okay, I had a HUGE crush on him too), and he's one of the few people from school that I'm still in touch with. He's obviously ridiculously talented. I hope he gets 'discovered' soon. More than anyone else I know, he deserves it...

Why are the last 24 hours before you leave always totally, utterly, ridiculous insane??

Yeah, so I leave for LA and the marathon early Thursday morning...and my next day just makes me want to fold into a ball and cry. It's only a day...and then I'm out of here. Just keep breathing and I'll be done in 36 hours.

Tapering is hard work. It's hard to not let your brain go crazy with doubts and fears and it's hard because your legs are jumping with the need to RUUUNNN and it's hard because it makes you tired and energized at the same time and somehow I feel fat even though I know I'm not. (Although the King Cake being the best thing I ever ate definitely did not help that fat feeling; yesterday, the cake went from being half-eaten to being crumbs in the garbage can and my stomach decided it was going to do flips during rehearsal.)

It feels like I'm going through withdrawal, or at least how I imagine withdrawal. I find myself running from rehearsal to class and then home, not because I'm late or in a hurry, but because I just want to run and have been ordered by the schedule to take the past 2 days off.

So, tomorrow, my last real run of 5m and teaching Spinning class, and then just little 15-20 minute runs twice before Sunday. The lack of running scares me, but this training program has really done quite well for me, so I guess I have to just keep trusting it.

Breathe. We're almost there...

Better Late than Never!

Mardi Gras is over, but since I don't celebrate Lent, I figured it was still okay to make a King Cake. (Nothing like taking the cool stuff from each holiday, eh?)


Looks pretty nice, doesn't it? I must say, I surprised myself with my culinary expertise. (I just hope it tastes good too.)

There's just something about purple, green, and gold together that makes me giddy. I love being from Louisiana.

My Worst Fear: "It's all about the bike."

Here's part of the new post I just put up at Zipp Cycling.

I'm a decent swimmer. I can run. Because of these things, I consider myself an athlete.

But here's the catch...

As a triathlete, you also have to be able to bike. And when you get to the longer distances, you have to be able to REALLY bike. You can no longer get away with just getting through the distance and attempting to make up for your lost time on the run.

You have to be a cyclist.

(Doing a little dance)

Age group:

Women 25 to 29	1	79	542	TARA DEWITT	29	BROOKLYN	NY	1:20:40.9	8:04
	2	82	606	SUSANNA LOEWY	25	NEW BRUNSWICK	NJ	1:20:52.2	8:05
	3	94	839	DANA MCLOUGHLIN	25	BROOKLYN	NY	1:23:58.8	8:24

And, overall:

82

606

SUSANNA LOEWY

NEW BRUNSWICK

NJ

1:20:52.2

8:05

25

2/20

F 25-29

17/134

F

1/1

RVRR-F

This would mark the first time I've placed in a road race or a tri when there were actually more than 3 people there. I know it's silly to care, but I'm pretty excited. I asked them to send me my award. :)

I remember Ms. 25-29 Winner. She passed me in the last half mile. I think if I had known that (a) I was currently winning my age group and (b) she was in my age group, I would have pushed it. But of course, I didn't...and if I remember correctly, I was pretty much giving all I had. As in, I was freaking dying out there.

So, pretty cool, eh? I wish I had been there to hear my name.

Don't worry; I'm not getting all involved with the award stuff, because it's definitely, without a doubt, not about that. From all the flute and music stuff I've done my whole life, I know that better than most. It's just fun to once in a while see your name in lights.

I ran a 6:12 mile and I have Digusting Feet

Disgusting Feet, each word definitely needing a capital letter. Disgusting feet, disgusting Feet, and for sure disgusting feet just doesn't cut it. Disgusting Feet it is.

I didn't really run a 6:12 mile. I mean, I did, supposedly, but I'd be willing to bet a whole lot of money that the mile markers were off. Take a look at these splits. Freaking Hilarious (once again, definite Caps necessity).

mile 1: 7:10
mile 2: 8:40
mile 3: 8:10
mile 4: 7:13
mile 5: 7:51
mile 6: 6:12
mile 7: 6:58
mile 8: 10:42
mile 9: 8:43
mile 10: 9:02

Okay, so I know I was getting tired at the end, but I definitely kicked it the last mile (I was NOT running a 9 min/m), not to mention that mile 9 was up a Huge Hill and mile 10 was mainly downhill. So I really have no idea on how to judge this race performance.

I ended up with 1:20:46 (I was about 5-6 seconds behind the starting line, so I'm expecting the official time to be about 1:20:51), which is an 8:04 pace. I'm definitely happy with it, but I guess I kind of wanted to break 1:20; it would have been cool to have my overall pace be in the 7 minute zone, even if it was 7:59...ya know? (Or is that just weird?) Random Garmin Guy said the race was actually 10.12 miles, which wouldn't surprise me at all considering how uneven the mile markers were (How hard could it be? It's a loop course, for goodness sake...). Regardless though, it still doesn't count as a sub-8 pace in my book.

But, I had a blast, and considering I probably had one (two, three) glasses of wine too many last night, and I ran 7.5 reasonably hard miles yesterday afternoon, I'm very much satisfied with the race.

The race was 3 loops around Prospect Park in Brooklyn, which is not nearly as hilly as Central Park, but has one Long Killer Hill. Running up that the third time was not fun. I had a hard time starting this race; through mile 2 my head was going through convulsions that sounded something like "This sucks. I'm never going to make it 10 miles. I shouldn't have drank that wine last night. I should have eaten breakfast. I can taste the fries from last night. My legs aren't moving. I don't want to run a marathon. I hate this. This is stupid."

And then you know what? I got to the top of the hill, realized for I had been running up a hill and was so busy whining to myself that I didn't even notice, and that's why it felt so hard. So then I laughed at myself, came to terms with the fact that I hadn't done the smartest things in the world to prepare for the race, but I was still going to enjoy being out there.

And I did.

Prospect Park is really pretty, even in the winter, and moreover, I really liked the atmosphere of this race in particular. It was way smaller than the NYRR races, and it just felt homey. There was Tons of Food and free massages afterwards, and I was kind of bummed I couldn't stay and hang out longer. I actually got recognized there! Someone had gotten to my blog from Derek Rose's site, and came up to me. I felt Pretty Damn Cool for a second.

(I couldn't stick around because I had to get to my audition in Manhattan, which went well. I got lost on the way there and almost freaked out, but managed to mostly keep my cool and Phil helped get me on track. I got there later than I wanted, but found a perfect parking spot, managed to trade times with someone who had a later time, and ended up playing way better than I expected. The guy seemed interested, but you can never tell with these things [auditions are Very Weird]. I just have to wait for a month or so, I suppose...)

And so that was my day. I got back to New Brunswick, bought a new mop (because my kitchen floor was Very Gross and my 5 year old mop wasn't much better) and hair dryer, and then got suckered into a scale. I have a body fat percentage of 26%. Is that gross? It sounds gross to me, but I haven't done any research on it. The scale says it's 'normal'. I hate being normal. Hmph.

My feet? Let's just say they haven't done very well with all this racing. (I'm done until the marathon now, by the way...I know it's Time to Taper.)

And so, here's your reward for reading...pics of Disgusting Feet. They're probably not the worst you've ever seen, but they're still Disgusting. Notice the blisters-within-a-blister in the top pic. Then, the toe nail in the second pic was all black inside until I drained a lot of the blood out by sticking a needle through the nail (look closely and you can see the hole on the right side of the nail).

Even though I'm sure I'll be bitching non-stop come sandal season, I have to admit, I'm still kind of Sickly Proud...

Anyone have a shower I can use?

I'm not kidding...

My plan for tomorrow is to do the Brooklyn Cherry Tree 10m race in Prospect Park, which starts at 10. I then have an audition for a summer music festival at 1:20 in Manhattan (W 122nd and Broadway, specifically). And since I won't have time to drive back to New Jersey in-between (nor would that make any sense at all), and I also don't particularly want to go to the audition all sweaty and race-like, I was hoping to be able to find a place to quickly clean up and change into Fancy Su.

So, does anyone happen to live around either Prospect Park or the Manhattan School of Music? Or, does anyone know of a gym nearby that I could use (where I wouldn't at all mind paying the drop-in fee)?

Any help will be rewarded extravagantly!

Cause I think I'm so smart...

So today, my car got stuck in the ice. Or, I hadn't driven it since yesterday, so I don't actually know when it in fact became really stuck, but suffice it to say that when I tried to drive to the gym before my weekly dinner at my Aunt's house, I wasn't moving at nearly the rate I wanted. I wasn't moving at all.

So, I try the shovel. No, I've never shoveled before, but it can't be that hard, right?

Yes, ice is hard. It's like a rock. A big, COLD rock. A freaking boulder that my car somehow got stuck inside.

Okay. So maybe I'm not super-woman. I can't do this myself. I call AAA.

After 20 minutes on hold..."I'm sorry m'am. We aren't helping people who have 'ice problems'."

Um, yeah, really glad I'm paying for that roadside assistance thing, right? I was about to say that I wasn't having an ice problem, I was having a freaking CAR STUCK AND YOU WON'T HELP ME, YOU STUPID ASSHOLE problem, but I didn't. I just calmly hung up on the person.

So, onto the next bright idea. Let's see...we need to melt the ice, but don't have any salt.

Maybe something hot...?

I know! Let's boil some water and pour it on the ice to melt said ice.

Okay, this sounds like a good idea, right?

It's not.

Why?

BECAUSE IT'S FREAKING FREEZING OUTSIDE AND ANY WATER (BOILING OR NOT) WILL ONLY FREEZE IN A MANNER OF SECONDS. And yes, create a new layer of ice on and all around my tires.

Good God, I'm a dorkalicious idiot for not realizing that before I actually did it. And I was acting like a complete and total girl to boot.

I'll make the rest of the story a choose-your-own-adventure type thing, because the reality is that my own ending was pretty lame and not nearly as exciting as it could have been. Two hours and many curse words later, car is exorcised from boulder in very ordinary manner...

I didn't make it to the gym, but I did get to my aunt's for dinner...So, my belly grew a little and my ego shrunk. It all evens out.

Expectations

E-Speed said...I think upping the ante gets dangerous. I spent all last year upping my ante last minute because of other peoples goals for me and I ended up disappointed after every race despite crushing what my original goal should have been.

According to McMillan's running calculator (thanks, Karen!), I should run about a 3:45 in LA. And really, that's where I kind of felt I was. But then other people start talking about Boston, and 3:45 feels so close to 3:40, so then I started to think I should try for 3:40.

But you know what? I shouldn't. 5 minutes is actually a lot of time. I should really aim for my original goal of breaking 4:00 and see what happens. Maybe I'll run closer to a 3:50, and maybe it'll even be closer to 3:45 or (on a perfect day) 3:40...but that would be the exception, not the rule...and it definitely shouldn't be an expectation, from me or from anyone else.

It's flattering to hear people say they think you can do something. And in actuality, you probably can do it...but perhaps not right now. Go with your gut. Letting expectations of other people become your own ideals is like driving drunk...you think you can, but really, you're completely out of control. It gets in the way of what you've accomplished, and moreover, it trumps your known capability, it surpasses your common sense and enables you to ignore what your body is trying so hard to tell you.

Inside, you know what you can do at any given time. You might reach that goal on a certain day, and you might not, but you know what to expect. Listening to other people's goals for you can be inspiring, it can help you push yourself to the next level, but you have to make sure you still listen to yourself.

Me? I know I'm not ready for a 3:40. If for some reason everything is perfect and the stars align, it could happen. But just as I knew I wasn't ready for a 4:00 marathon in Philli, I know I'm not really at Boston level yet.

And yes, 'yet' is the key word. I will get there. And when I'm ready?

I won't have to convince myself or let anyone else convince me. I'll know.

Put your left leg in

Along with some other bloggers (thank you, Secret Santa!), I was asked to write a blog to contribution to the Zipp Flash-Point Blog. For this week, I didn't write anything new; I just posted my Bronx report. From now on though, I'll be writing more cycling-relevant posts and will give you guys a heads up when something new is posted.

For now though, Sara's says something really incredible. I definitely recommend reading it.

I'm really excited about all of this; in honor of the hokey-pokey:

That's what it's all a-bout!

I woke up early to teach Spinning

but because of the storm there is no Spinning and now my head is spinning and I can't sleep.

My teacher handed this to me today. Yeah, it's supposed to be music...

Bronx Half Marathon

Yesterday (Sunday, since I probably won't be able to publish this for the next eternity or so because BLOGGER CAN BITE ME), I ran the Bronx Half Marathon, the second race in the NYRR Grand Prix Series.

I love racing. I know that the whole triathlete thing is more about about the lifestyle and yada yada yada, and in theory I wholeheartedly agree. But, I gotta say that when I get to a race and soak in the whole atmosphere, I just love it. I love all the healthy people and I love the competitive atmosphere, and I love the mental aspect of 'how far can you go?', and I really just love pushing myself.

First things first...I PRed. I ran a 1:47:07. My previous PR 3 weeks ago had been 1:52:45, so I was pretty damn happy with that improvement.

I didn't know what to expect going into the race. I had been doing the vast majority of my training on a treadmill, and I knew I was getting faster on the machine, but I just didn't know if that would translate to a faster road race. I'm ecstatic that it did.

The course wasn't 'hilly', but it was by no means flat. There were countless inclines as we ran up and down highway over and under passes. It wasn't a pretty race. I've heard the Grand Concourse that we looped up and down is pretty in the spring, but in the winter it's kinda boring. I didn't really mind the lack of scenery though. I just wanted to see what I could do, and I did it.

My spoken goal was the break 1:50, and I crushed that. But, I had this inside I-can't-say-this-out-loud goal of perhaps running closer to 1:45, because that would prove that I had the slightest chance to qualify for Boston at the Los Angeles Marathon.

I know, I know. No one goes from running a 4:18 marathon to qualifying with a 3:40. That's why I've kept my mouth shut with this one. My original goal with this training and upcoming race was to break 4 hours, and I'm now very confident that I can do that. But, as you see yourself get faster, how do you not up your goal? How do you not keep pushing yourself to the next limit?

I don't think there is anything wrong with always upping the ante (because otherwise what's the point?), but what about the necessity of feeling happy that you reached a goal? Because, yesterday I was very happy that I broke 1:50, but I still kind of had this ache that made me wish I had just ran a bit faster. I know I could have. Definitely on a different course, with less wind and maybe a bit warmer temperature, but probably even on this course under the same circumstances. But, it doesn't matter, right? There will always be those doubts, and the important thing is that I had fun out there, regardless of the time.

For LA, I'm going to go out trying to break 4 hours and see what happens. If I'm easily running an 8:30 pace, I'll go with that (cause Boston requires 8:28 splits). If not, I'll be happy with the dramatic amount of progress I've made since November, because I really should be both happy and proud. Boston can wait until later.

And if even 4 hours doesn't happen? I'm still happy and proud. I've broken through to find something new within myself, and that's all I wanted anyhow.

And now, the ever-popular, all-inclusive....
SPLITS!

mile 1- 8:49 (dodge-city)
mile 2- 8:22
mile 3- 8:03
mile 4- 8:21
mile 5- 8:10
mile 6- 8:04
mile 7- 8:12
mile 8- 8:05
mile 9- 7:57
mile 10- 8:06
mile 11- 8:18
mile 12- 7:57
mile 13- 7:53
last .1- <:48 (I waited to stop my watch to avoid the 'stop-button-watch-picture' we're all so familiar with)

total: 1:47:07

The water stop miles? Still painfully obvious, and I couldn't help myself from stopping at almost every one. I didn't need it, but I was always scared that I would need it before I had another chance. Nutrition-wise, I also wish I had had a Gu with me, because I felt myself wanting something more than Gatorade by mile 8 or so. The miles with inclines or the ones that were against the wind might have been slightly slower and required more effort, but all in all what slowed me down most was the water stops. That should be relatively easy to fix, right? Any suggestions?

So, I guess that's the news from Lake Woebegone. I don't mean to be down on myself or the race; I had a blast running, and I can't wait for next time. And a PR by more than 5 minutes in a half marathon? I really am thrilled. All the questioning of one-self and hoping to go further and faster? That's the best part, I think. What else makes you examine yourself so completely in mind and body? Music does for me, but there is always room for another outlet. And what's more?

I love it.

I hate Blogger.

I know so many people have posted about Blogger sucking donkeys, and I would kind of laugh and get on with things because really...Blogger has been pretty good to me. Sure, the service doesn't work sometimes, and it might eat comments every once in a while...but all in all, it's FREE...and it does a pretty decent job.

But right now? My blog has been locked. Apparently, I'm a spam blogger. That's right, I'm not a real person. I've been delegated to the world of the un-real, and Blogger's 'spam-prevention robots' have stopped my ability to post on my blog. (And yes, 'spam-prevention robots' are really what they called them in the email where they so graciously informed me of this new conundrum.) The problem (if I'm a real person), should be fixed in 4 business days, I'm told. Four business days?!!?!

I know I have previously gone longer than that without posting, but you see...then I didn't want to post, so it was okay. Now? I WANT TO POST. IT'S NOT OKAY.

Jeez. Yeah, I can write this and save it as a draft, but is it the same thing? I think not.

I want to write about the Bronx half, but with no hopes of anyone reading it, it'll just have to wait a bit...NOT THAT IT MATTERS.

Trying to Fight Jet Lag

It's the worst smell in the world.

What comes to your mind?

Cat pee, right? There isn't much worse.

I don't have a cat.

Can someone please tell me why the area near my desk smells like cat pee?

(Because, it's undeniably, indisputably cat pee. There is nothing else that smells quite like that.)

Nevermind. I don't want to know.

I'm going to go run, and then I'm going to scrub the carpet free of whatever the hell nastiness somehow infested my apartment.

And the worst part? Aside from huge piles of unfolded, CLEAN laundry, I'm a neat and clean person...sometimes to a fault (cough OCD cough cough). So, do I deserve this horrible stench in my apartment?

I think not. Once again, I have to end with my sound of indignation.

Hmph.

Done!

Registration Steps: 1. Accept Waiver 2. Complete Form 3. Submit Payment 4. Print Receipt Your registration has been successful! You will receive an email confirmation of your registration. Important Information Regarding Your Registration: Congratulations on registering for the City of Los Angeles Marathon to be held on March 4, 2007.

Grad Prix, here I come...

I'm doing the second half marathon in the NYRR series of 5 (one in each of the burros). This one is in the Bronx.

Anyone know what the course is like? If it's relatively flat I'm going to try for 1:50 or thereabouts (if I could break 1:50, I'd be ecstatic), but if it's hilly that might not be possible.

I'm pretty pumped about the race...I've been running well and having fun while doing it, definitely the best combination.

Plus, my sister is going to be in town for the next two weeks. She's been in Israel since June, and she's finally coming back to the States. She's spending the next couple of weeks with me (and her friends in NY) before heading back to Louisiana and then ultimately finishing school in San Francisco. ANYWAY, I'm hoping she's jet lagged enough to want to wake up early with me and go to the race, and then maybe spinning next week. I'm such a considerate sister, right? I planned these early events JUST FOR HER, I promise. I can't wait until she gets here...even if it does mean I have to drive to JFK for her 5:22 am (!) arrival...

I might not be Martha Stuart...

But I still managed to make my apartment look pretty nice last weekend.

my jewelry non-tic

picture ribbon in book nook

pictures framed and hung (albeit slightly crooked-ly)

Next weekend? Blue trim, all around! (Sound good, sis? I know after arriving from Israel, the first thing you're going to want to do is paint my apartment. That's why I thought we'd do it this weekend. No no, don't thank me. It's my pleasure.)

From a helpful friend...

"Anyhow, what make and model laptop do you have? Replacement keys are available for most models. As for the key itself, does it look like anything is cracked or missing any parts? Depending on the type of keyboard, there are probably four areas that attach to posts to secure the key to the keyboard. If it looks like they are all intact, you may be able to simply line up the posts to the appropriate parts of the key and press down pretty hard. With any luck, it will just snap into place. If anything on the key is cracked or missing this probably won't work and you will need a new key."

Um...
yeah, it worked. Why didn't I think of that?

I have my F key back, in full form. (See, no avoidance!) Now I can write freely with any F words I want. FFFFFFF FUCK FLUTE FUN FURRY FAN FOOTBALL FART FEMA FULL FARFENUGEN

Ha!

Because I can be just a bit impulsive at times...

I'm not letting myself make any decisions until Thursday, at the earliest.

I am leaning towards either Austin or LA though (and LA seems to be winning for now)...for timing and logistical reasons. The altitude difference in CO is definitely a good point, so I'm nixing that one; thanks guys, for bringing that up. Any other suggestions of common sense (or otherwise) are definitely still welcome.

In other news...

My F key fell off. How am I writing an F then, you ask? Well, I have this little plastic bubble thing that I have to align in the space where the key should be, and then press very delicately, because if I don't the plastic bubble thing (that looks exactly like a boob on a Barbie) goes flying into the outer space of my apartment like a Tiddlywink, or a Chinese football.

This is the 3rd time this has happened to me...the other times were with non-important arrow keys though. And, my dad was there to sit around with a pair of tweezers and fix it.

Now? No dad. Not until April. What do I do? (Cause my coordination with this type of stuff is non-existent.) Are there people out there in stores who will fix it or am I going to have to send the thing off again for 6 weeks just so someone else can spend 10 minutes with it? Or do I just deal with the plastic boob Tiddlywink key until April, meanwhile avoiding words with Fs like the plague?

(The avoidance is annoying, but not impossible. I now believe F must me the most uncommonly used letter. Except I know it's not...cause probably Z or Q or even J are less used. But as far (there one was!) as letters to avoid go, it's actually not that bad. It could be worse. It could be an S, or it could be a letter in my password, right?)

But more importantly, why has this happened to me 3 times? And I've read other posts on it too...what the hell kind of(!) crappy keys are they making that f(!)all of(!)f(!) all the damn time??

And I understand why some things are made to break. Not that I approve, but I understand the concept behind it. Cell phones they want you to have to extend your contract, etc. But laptop keys? Is anyone really going to buy a new computer because a key fell off? In the name of all that is holy, I hope not.

Maybe, just maybe, I simply got a lemon keyboard and it's not a big laptop key conspiracy. (Lemon laws? I've seen billboards...think I have a case? Think I could win?)

But, that would mean the world is not out to get me. Hmmm...something to think about...

Okay.

Since I do not have my own plane (Donald Trump, if you read my blog, now is the time to come forward), this is what I'm thinking...

Austin Marathon on Feb 18 (one week earlier than expected, so I wouldn't be totally tapered, but I have friends there)

Los Angeles Marathon on March 4 (again, have an awesome friend there)

Run Through Time Marathon in Salida, CO on March 11 (Spring Break, so it would be a good time to go, and maybe I could stay with Bolder? It's 2.5 hours away or so...)

Chesapeake Bay Marathon in MD on March 11 (Again, Spring Break, and it's drivable...but I don't know anyone doing the race or who lives around there. Plus, it's a really small race--limited to 300 people, I believe.)

Shamrock Sportsfest Virginia Beach Marathon on March 18 (the end of Spring Break, so it also works, and my running club here is going as a group, so it wouldn't be expensive hotel/travel-wise, and I'd have people to be around, even if I don't know them that well yet...But, it's 3 weeks after my expected marathon, which verges on screwing with my training. I would probably have to do another 20m run, which of course wouldn't be the end of the world...)

And so basically, assuming I can stay with people at these places, I would just be eating the cost of the registration and the fee for changing the flight...but I'd still get to run, which is the idea anyhow. I'm still bummed about not getting to run with my parents (they're going to do it anyway! Yeah!) or go down to New Orleans, but there will be other races and other years for that.

Anyone done any of these races? Have any other ideas, suggestions? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Anyone out there have a private jet?

Word from the conductor is a big resounding 'NO', unless I want to withdraw from orchestra. Then I would have a W on my transcript (because OF COURSE the last day for drop/add was last Friday), and wouldn't be playing in orchestra for the rest of the year. Doesn't seem like too great of an option, does it?

I looked into red eye flights (my concert will end around 10pm), and even super early flights Sunday morning, and there doesn't seem to be anything. Anyone have any magic sites with flights that might not be advertised elsewhere?

My own personal pilot would work too...

Guess I'm going to have to start looking for a different race, eh?

SD:FKLJV:LSDJK:WEKLRJQ#P$*&P*!!!! (I had the real explitvies written, but the ones needed are just too intense. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN???!)

Okay, it's just a race. I'm healthy and happy, as are all of my loved ones. I'll be fine. It just kind of...sucks...

You know?

SHIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!

I just found out our next orchestra concert is the evening of February 24th. The Mardi Gras Marathon? Morning of the 25th.

Yeah.

SUCKKKKKKKKKSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just did my 20m run this weekend and everything.

I emailed the conductor, but I have a feeling I'm not going to be allowed out of the concert.

I'm so annoyed with myself for screwing up so badly, and I'm just plain pissed in general.

I have a plane ticket and my parents are running it too, you know? But to top it off, I really like the music we're playing in orchestra this time around and I'd be sad to give up my parts if by some miracle I was even given that option.

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!

I feel like I'm going to vomit all over someone.

Now, off to teach spinning.