A Change in Perception

I know I owe you guys a full report. And, I was all set to write about the ups and downs of the day. I already had the thing written in my head.

Then I got a really nice email from one of the judges telling me that I had been close, and he was disappointed I didn't advance. I feel a little guilty repeating that; maybe I shouldn't. But, what does it really matter? It obviously doesn't change the results.

For some reason though, knowing that I was one of the top 12 (when 10 advanced) actually made me feel, for the first time, like I had lost. It's somehow harder to swallow that I actually had a shot. At the competition, I looked around the room and saw all those REAL athletes, and figured that little 'ole me didn't have any kind of chance. Knowing that I did...well, it made me feel that lump of disappointment in my chest.

All the same, I'm of course glad that the guy contacted me. It's nice to know I made an impact, regardless of the outcome.

And so, arriving on Saturday, and seeing all of those girls with ridiculously long running legs and guys who didn't have an ounce of body fat, I set about the day thinking that I was simply there to have fun and learn; I just went through the day and did my best.

We did a 20 minute field test on the bike, which translates into 'ride as fast and hard as you can for 20 minutes and feel like you're going to die after 5'. Then, we did the same thing for 12 minutes on a treadmill on a 1.5 grade incline. I was only able to run 1.51m, which I was a little bummed about (I feel like I should be able to run faster than an 8min/m, even up a hill), but I definitely did my best (I was clutching the treadmill by the end just to stay on the thing), so I couldn't really be upset.

20 minutes and 12 minutes may not sound like much, but let me tell you...after that 32 minutes, my legs were more trashed than they have been in a long time. Too long.

The coaches gave us a printout with our heart rate and wattage information, which was probably the coolest part of the day. I'm going to take full advantage of my new heart rate monitor and become a numbers-psycho...or at least I'll wear the thing and try to pay semi-attention to it. One of the two...or somewhere in-between, right?

Something kind of funny...my average heart rate for the bike was 187, and on the run it was 196. It wasn't even my chest that was hurting when I did the tests; it was my legs that just wouldn't go any faster or further. Apparently I have a hummingbird heart. I don't think that's a good or a bad thing, but definitely interesting to learn.

Anyway, I had a good time. I met some people I'm hoping to keep in touch with, and it was a nice day.

Like I mentioned before, on Sunday I ran a 10K recovery road race with friends. It was perhaps the most beautiful fall day yet this year, and it was awesome to be out running. It might have been a little bit of 'long run avoidance', but it was a good kind of procrastination.

And tomorrow evening? I don't have to teach, and my aunt and uncle can't do our regular dinner, so a-running I will go. I'll get in a couple hours on my feet and then this weekend I'll do the 18 miler.

I hate marathon training.

But it's worth it to run 26 miles on the day I turn 26. You don't have that opportunity more than once, you know? And, it's obviously a pretty big coincidence that I have it all. Of course, I like being in marathon shape; I just don't like the long runs...because they hurt...physically, of course, but also mentally.

But hurting...that's how you get stronger. What hurt before doesn't hurt now, and the pain now will be inconsequential in future races, distances, and accomplishments.

And I have a big announcement to be coming soon; you'll probably all think I'm beyond crazy, but I'm pumped up nonetheless. (No, it's not another Ironman this summer, but think along those lines...)