Maybe a little bit cryptic

It's amazing. I'm not depressed anymore. I don't know when or how it happened, but the insane obsession that was possessing me before is just gone. Phone calls, emails...they don't phase me.

I'm happy. And I can see other people and I miss other people and yes, I realize what I gave up.

I regret so many things. But, I'm trying to believe that things happen for a reason and everything will end up as they should.

There isn't really any other way to survive yourself, is there?

Regardless, now I'm happy. Now I'm able to see so much every day, and I'm not a slave to the cell phone or certain times of the day, and for god's sake...I actually feel like myself.

It's such a big lesson to learn...to experience the shell of you, so you know for sure you don't want to be that. You want to be the whole thing, the shell, yes...but also so much more. The inside, the sound of the ocean in your ear, both the yolk and the white.

Now I'm complete. Not that I'm in any way satisfied. I still have a hunger for so many more things in my life, and that's good. To not become satiated; this is the way to live and to keep living.

But I am the complete me. I am able to grin at people on the street just because, and I look forward to getting music in the mail, and I sign up for races because it's now a part of who I am.

And so the experience was necessary for an all-or-nothing person like me. I understand so much more, and so many things will never happen again.

So, I'm grateful. I'm angry still, but I should be. The important thing; though, is that I don't forget. The important thing is that I remember who I am now and who I was then, and to especially remember who was there for me even if they should have ran screaming in the other direction.

I can wish it never happened and I was already living the life I imagine for myself in the future (because maybe that would be the case), but wishing generally doesn't get one very far.

So, for now...I'm just so grateful that I wake up content each morning, and that I still have wonderful people in my life, even after being completely impossible to deal with for such a crazy amount of time.

One especially wonderful person that will always be my best friend and so much more, and then the many others who have become increasingly important to me as the days change colors and the leaves get dark earlier.