When my sister's not-boyfriend came to visit, I realized something. I realized that very few people actually really, truly believe in something. For Ezra, his belief is in God, and Judaism. It is a pure, whole belief, and it is clear he isn't acting out of expectation or in order to prove anything. He honestly believes, and it makes him who he is.
And that belief makes him radiate like few other people I've met. Belief does something to a person. It makes you comfortable in your own skin, it makes you understand who you are.
I don't think the belief has to be a religious belief; I think that the important thing is to have something that makes you, you.
And so of course the next thing I thought about was my own beliefs. What is it that makes me radiate? What is it that makes me comfortable with who I am?
And the answer was obvious...kind of depressing, but also kind of inspiring.
Put simply, I don't know. Or better said, I don't know yet. I'm still figuring it out, which can be frustrating and scary and everything else bad in the world. But, it also means that there is more to look forward to. I don't have it all figured out. And really, I don't expect to have everything sewed up and put in a little box for quite a while.
And while I know that believing in something isn't the ultimate destination (there is plenty more to life after that), I do know that the road to that feeling of peace can't possibly be bad. I know what I'm looking for; I'm sure to find it if I just keep my eyes open.
And meanwhile, I know I can recognize the sincerity in other people, and that'll enable me to surround myself with the right people, and it'll lead me in the direction I want and need.
So whether this state of nirvana that I saw in Ezra will for me be accomplished through religion or music or writing or something altogether new, it's definitely something for which to strive.
9 comments:
Many would argue that your search for your beliefs is more important than the actual goal itself. And when you do find it, it won't be static - you will always be searching and changing throughout your life. Sort of like you said in a earlier post about being more excited about the training. Pearls of wisdom from this dottering old woman (age 34).
I know a few people lile Ezra, great peeps. You'll find your own personal nirvana, for me its when backpacking and photography
I agree that the search, the journey, is just as important as the final destination. I think that you'll continue to radiate as you continue your contemplation.
Dang girl, you write so well and you really get me thinking. thanks. keep it up.
Asking the questions is the most important step. So many just adopt a "belief" and take it for granted because someone told them it was so. Good for you for looking for your own answers that make sense and resonate with you!
"It is good to be a seeker, but sooner or later you will have to be a finder."
Paraphrased from Jonathan Livingston Seagull.
great comments...
great post..as belief truly makes you, you..
rockon`
Oh, my word, Susannah. You are wise beyond your years. Few people twice your age acknowledge what they don't know.
You are so "OK" it's amazing!
xoxoxo,
Jenny
one other thing. Someone once said, "Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself".
That one always has me thinking, too.
First off "... something that makes you you" BINGO. But that something is never the same for everyone.
I think you are a lot closer then you think... I think I'll try and email you the rest.
cheers.
Roy.
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