And I had written her off as a bitch.

I've been teaching Spinning at XTreme Fitness for 3 weeks now.

Spinning classes can generally be broken down into three groups of people. There are the regulars that have been there since the start; I think they may have been born spinning. Then there are the so-called newbies who come once and then stick with it and slowly merge into the group of regulars. And then there is the third group of people. The people who come once and then disappear.

It's this third group that is the hardest to deal with as a fitness instructor. Did they not come back because they didn't like the class? Was the class too easy? Too hard? Boring? Is my voice irritating? Do I not look fit enough to be the instructor? Was my music okay? These (and so many more) are the insecurities that plague me.

And so last week there was a girl, who looked amazing. We're talking perfect body (swimsuit ready stomach and all), gorgeous hair, beautiful face. The kind of girl that makes other girls want to give up and cry because there is no way to ever look like that. This girl came to the class, left before the stretches, and I haven't seen her since.

I'll take that back. I always see her at the gym. She just doesn't come to my class. I had the awkward locker room experience with her. (Dealing with a locker room is no big deal in anonymity or with friends. But, when you kinda-sorta know the people, then it's just weird to be trying to dress in front of them.) We didn't talk, she went around to the other side of the room, and I decided she was a bitch. Not friendly, doesn't like my class, and beyond all that...she's way too perfect. Vomit.

And then today we once again had the locker room collision. I heard her talking to someone else saying 'I just have this 2 pounds I can't get rid of. I hate it.'

WHHHATTT?!!! I'm telling you, this girl is perfect. Not one ounce of extra fat, forget about 2 pounds.

And so what happened next is so outside of my character; I'm still kind of surprised it happened. I don't usually just confront people. But, we happened to be leaving at the same time, I was still on a high from the workout (6.2m run and leading the spinning class), and besides that, I was simply reeling from what I had heard her say.

Me: 'Um, I hope you weren't talking about your weight, because you must know you look amazing.'

Her response?

'I'm obsessed. I weigh 121 now and I used to weigh 117. I would be happy with 119 though. I can't stop thinking about it. I used to be on Weight Watchers because I weighed 152. Then I tried enemas, and then laxatives and I got married last summer and want to have children but I am afraid of losing my body. I see my family and what they look like I'm scared of looking like that. I'm not on anything now, but I can't stop thinking about my body and where the extra 2 pounds are. I'm completely obsessed. There's no other way to put it. I'm obsessed.'

My. God.

First of all, I couldn't believe she was so open with me. I'd never spoken to her before (unless you count 'COME ON, CRANK UP THE RESISTANCE HERE, MAKE THIS CLASS MEAN SOMETHING!'), and she basically just told me she has an eating disorder.

Second of all...geez. It just makes you realize (yeah, once again) that people are not what they seem. I felt ridiculous for my previous vision of her. I felt sorry for her. I wish she could enjoy her beauty. But more than that, I understood her. I've never done the enema or laxative thing, but I understand obsession better than most, I believe.

I understand not being able to let go and endless searching to make it all work, trying the good and then the bad and wanting to just give up, wishing with all your might you could just give up, praying to be different. And screaming at the top of your lungs, and then not being able to scream at all but feeling like your brain might just explode from the frustration of it all. Because you can't give up, and is that a good thing or a bad thing?

I definitely understand all of that.

I just wish she could find a more positive place to put that energy. I feel so unbelievably lucky that I have.

It's more than a sport; it's more than a hobby. It's even more than a way of life. For me, it's balance, and there is nothing more valuable.

My lesson for today? Don't judge. There is no such thing as perfect.

Oh, and her parting words as we left the gym?

'I really like your class, by the way. It's just really hard for me to get here by 6, and I don't feel right walking in 20 minutes late. I'll try harder to get up next week though.'

That sound you just heard? Yeah, that's me slapping my forehead, reminding myself that I'm not the center of the universe, and that in fact, the world does not revolve around Curly Su.