Broken By Workstudy

Okay, I'm back.

I have this job, see...and it entails sitting in the front office at school and doing...absolutely nothing. for hours at a time. You've finished your homework. You've read books and books and lots of magazines. How many times can you check your email? What do you do when your blogs are all read?

Here's an answer. You scream. Loudly. At the next person who walks into the office asking an assinine question. Or, you get your act together and decide you don't want to get fired by the school you attend and instead figure out something else to do with your time.

So I'm going to write.

I'll be back, writing all kinds of things that no one cares about, but in which I somehow find pride.

I've enjoyed the time off. I kept reading all of your blogs, and began to appreciate the whole experience more. I felt nostalgic, but in a good way.

I can't even begin to start talking about what's happened in the past couple of months. Nothing and everything, the glass both half full and half empty. Things are still the same; some days are good and others are bad. But, at least now I'm concentrating on fixing the problems instead of just dwelling on them.

I'm still planning on running the Philadelphia marathon on November 19. My training has been sporadic, as have most other things these days. I'll be alright. I'm not going to break 4 hours, but I'll finish. I've done a 14m run, a 15m, and then another 14m that was supposed to be 17, but I died. I'm still recovering.

This Sunday I'm going to run a half marathon in Jersey City, with a couple miles on either side to get in my long run. That way I'll be less apt to rationalizing my way out of finishing.

And that's that. I feel gooey and out of shape and I've been reading Fast Food Nation and being revolted that I can't seem to get myself to the grocery store and then eating grilled cheese sandwiches from the Student Union and then feeling even more flabby and yuck I don't have any energy to run and then I feel even more gross and then I go to sleep.

It's all relative, I know. And I'll get it back...I just need some consistency in my training. I'm trying. I'll get there.

So there it is. I guess that's all I have to say for now. I'm not sure I'm ready for this. I'm hesitating to click Publish. But you know, if it's not working, I'll just stop writing again. And that's it. No need for drama. I'm in control of this. No reason to think otherwise. Why is it such a big deal? I don't know, really. It shouldn't be.

I guess I just look back at this blog and there was a period of time when I was so happy. And it's all documented and that's really great. But it's also sad because I'm not so happy right now and I want to be and I see how everything just fell apart and that's all documented too. And I feel homesick for something that doesn't exist. And then where do I go from there? I guess I just start with where I am and see what happens. There isn't much else to expect from myself.