I've really been considering quitting the whole flute thing lately. Maybe 'quitting' is the wrong word...I've really been considering changing my career ideals lately.
I haven't been enjoying playing, even when in situations when I really should have been enjoying myself, and frankly...I've just been bored with it. My technique routine feels like a chore, and practicing pieces feels maybe a bit better, but not much.
I see my mom still working at it; I see my teachers still having to practice everyday...never getting a day off (even if you don't play for a day, your brain still takes over and doesn't let you relax)...and I don't want that. I really don't. I want to be able to take a vacation. I want to be able to live, and living in a practice room doesn't count.
And then today...I had a rehearsal with a pianist. I wasn't looking forward to the rehearsal; I kind of thought it was a pain in the ass to have to go down to school. But then, it was great. We were playing together and it just clicked...we were making music...something I haven't felt in way too long a time.
That's why I haven't been having fun, why I've been bored out of my mind. Of course spending your life in a practice room isn't enjoyable...you have to be able to reach for that ideal. The tedius work has to be done too, but that fun stuff...it's more necessary than I realized.
I still don't know for sure what I want to do with this little life of mine, but today's reminder...it gave me a little more confidence in my current path.
12 comments:
It's nice to find that magic with something you enjoy doing. Work, training, hobbies, etc., it all has to be fun in order to do it.
You will find the niche you are looking for.
I'm not a musician by any means, but I'll try and give a running analogy. If you train every day for months or years without ever going in a race or testing yourself against some sort of goal, it will get very boring after a while. You race for the feeling of accomplishment, for the feeling that you've just done something worthwhile with a group of like-minded people.
Maybe you need to get out and do some more performances. Not just rehearsals or exams (kind of like time-trials in training), but performances just for the hell of it, where you get the satisfaction that you have entertained people just for your and their enjoyment.
That's what I reckon, but I'm not a musician, so I don't know if that's how you feel about performing. It's how I imagine musicians feel though.
PS. No bling. It was just a low-key event. The 10km race will have trophies but there will be a stronger field out there.
Do what you love and you will never work a day in your life. And remember the grass is not greener.. I made that move once and couldn't go back, thought I would be a lot better off. Your always going to have off days or bad days in work. But most people find every day at work a bad day.
I'm sure its not an easy choice for you. The best of luch with it.
Cheers.
Rice.
i have been feeling the same way as you lately. i have been feeling that this music thing hasn't been me lately, because practicing excerpts and the same pieces over and over trying to get them how other people want to hear them isn't me.
when you picture your ideal life, is it in an orchestra or a flute teaching job? is it still your dream job, or do you see yourself somewhere else, doing other things? i ask myself that all the time, and the second that it changes, i know i'll be done.
all i can say is that you've been inspiring to me in all the other things you are doing, like your marathon and tri training.
anyhoo you're self-assured enough to figure it out for yourself. you don't need me to ask you those questions anyway :) no matter what you do, you'll be a meaningful and successful person.
can you tell i'm trying to talk to myself as well? ;)
Glad u got that feeling back..
Whatever we do in life...there will be drudgery...stuff that we hate to do..but if what we really hate to do is also what we love to do....it ain't so bad.
I guess i am more of pessimistic approach to life. I figure, if I am going to complain about it, I might as well enjoy it.
I think rundave hit the nail on the head (especially for not being a musician!). The more you can get out there and do the things that make YOU happy, the more you will enjoy it. The nature of our profession, unfortunately, is that to make a living we have to do things we don't always find inspiring. But if you can play in ways that really satisfy you, I think the good feeling comes back real fast. It sucks that we have to spend so much time playing excerpts and trying to fit into someone else's ideal, when we went into music to be CREATIVE! Find something you love-definitely play with that pianist more, even if it's just reading. When I start to hit the wall, I get friends together to read quartets and get drunk. That always gets the juices flowing.
Ok, this is officially my longest comment ever. Sorry to be so blabby!
Glad the music clicked for you! Sometimes I feel like I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, either. I guess that's what the journey's for. I'm looking forward to hearing you play next week! :)
Your post reminded me of my quote of the day recently; "Running is a lot like life. Only 10% of it is exciting. 90% of it is slog and drudge."
There's another quote I remember by some musician; "If I miss a day of practice, I notice. If I miss two days, the audience notices."
And along the lines of Rice's comment, here's what I'm going to tell my girls; "Find something you love to do, then find someone to pay you to do it."
i think you need to do a flute gig with U2 -- mix it up a bit.
nnttmiahth
(no need to thank me i am here to help -- i've had to start using acronyms so i have more time with my instrument)
In my opinion, do not let go of your music for too long. I did (couldn't fit a piano in my college cell - er dorm room) and am having a hard time getting back to it.
on the flip side, you offer a good point too on the importance of being solo
ive always wanted to learn violin. if i learn, we can duet!
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