I gave in.

I was trying to wait until everything is back working at my house...because really...I should be able to deal without posting for a few days.

But no. Actually, I can't deal. And so, I came down to school a little early to write before I have to teach.

I know it's not necessary, but for some reason, I just feel the need to explain myself about this huge undertaking I've committed myself to.

I guess the way to start is to just say that I feel like this is my only chance. That's a little dramatic, I know.

Here's a better version...It's never going to get any easier than it is right now.

Don't get me wrong. It's not going to be easy. It would never be easy.

But. Right now, I have a lot of free time. I don't have many committments or obligations that are stopping me. Phil gave me his blessing (because he's a wonderful, supportive boyfriend even if he knows it's going to mean seeing less of me for a while and even if he's scared I'm going to hurt myself), and he's really the only person I'm accountable to right now. So you see, I teach for a few hours in the afternoons, and I practice, but other than that...I have time. I don't have a family to take care of; I don't have a full time job; I'm not in school. This is probably the last time in my life that my situation will be so...free...

Plus, I have a base. I'm in shape. Yeah, I have a really far way to go, but I'm fully confident that I'm capable.

I have these friends that are doing it too, so I have people to train with, people who believe in me and are supportive and are actually a lot of fun...what more can you ask for?

I'm moving after the summer and I know nothing will be the same. I'll keep in touch with my Cleveland friends; I'll find new traithlete friends; I'm going to keep doing this stuff...it's part of me now. But, I guess I feel like this is kind of a farewell to Cleveland and this life I have here. I don't know if this makes sense, but somehow I just feel like I need to do this in order to be 'okay' with moving. I've been here 7 years now...that's almost a 3rd of my life...moving is a big deal, you know? It's petrifying, actually.

So, I know it's a little crazy to sign up for an IM that is less than 6 months away. But, it's not like I'm starting my training now. I've been training; I just have a new purpose...and like it or not, my training is about to super-intensify.

On that front, Saturday I went to a spinning double and ran during the 15 minutes between the 2 classes, and then ran 3 miles afterwards...3 hours of exercising and you know what? I felt fine...I even had fun!

Sunday I did the indoor tri led by the Cleveland Triathlon Club and managed to win my age group, even if it was only because Liz didn't compete. Receiving a little ribbon (and some socks!) is always fun.

And so now for the last order of business. I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I realized a fatal flaw of mine is being too sensitive to what other people think about me. Who CARES what other people think, right? It's just so hard sometimes to follow up on that manner of thinking...it's hard for me, at least.

So...here I go with another cheese-mageese revelation...Life is short. It's just plain too short to be miserable about other people's insecurities. So, I'm going to surround myself with people who make me happy and who I make happy. Those other people? This may be a bit harsh, but...they can go to hell. No grudges...if people who were mean and biting in the past change and decide to be nice...well, I love to be around nice people.

Quote of the day (from a song by the Smiths):
Why do I spend time with people who don't care if I live or die? ...

And why do I give valuable time to people that I'd much rather kick in the eye?

Listen to the song...it's not as stupid as those lyrics seem. I really like the Smiths...heh...I really like 80s music (there's the REAL revelation for today, right?). So anyway, I need to go practice and teach and spin and lift weights and just maybe tear myself away from the computer. One more day, guys. Tomorrow, Mr. Adelphia-repairman is coming. Yeah!