So.
Good news: I got asked to play with the Haddonfield Symphony.
Bad news: The dates are HORRIBLE. It's right before the Rutgers and Yale audition, and the day after the Mardi Gras Marathon. And, it would mean I wouldn't be in town for the camping workshop, and therefore wouldn't be able to do that fundraiser I was so pumped about.
Plus, it would mean that I'm travelling for basically the entire month of February (workouts will go to hell), and I wouldn't be able to teach (and so no $).
But. It's a playing opportunity, and that doesn't happen all that often. And, if I'm in that area next year, it would be good to start making those contacts now. So I should probably just do it and take money out of my savings if I have to and just suffer through all the travelling. But... ugh. It just feels like too much. I'm surprised that I actually don't want to do it. I'd rather stay here and get readjusted to my life (I feel like I've been gone since Thanksgiving) and just get settled into a routine.
That's the real problem, I think. I thrive on routine (yeah, a little sick, I know), and if I do this, the month of February will be completely void of any sort of routine. I wouldn't be able to swim or bike (I'm not just going to be in one place where I could find a temporary gym...I'll be all over the Northeast for the different auditions)...and I just don't know if I can handle that.
I asked the director if I can miss the first rehearsal...then I would be able to teach that week on Monday and Tuesday (maybe make all my other students cram into those days?) and then also do the whole fundraiser thing. Is it ridiculous that I care so much about this?
I just think that I have responsibilities here in Cleveland...and I made it clear to my students that I would be gone some of the time, so they should be flexible in terms of lessons...but I live here, you know? There are parts of my life that I just don't feel comfortable stepping out on for the majority of a month. I don't want to lose what I have here.
So. If the director allows me to miss the Monday rehearsal, it could be a solution. I'm feeling overwhelmed though, and that just makes me want to crawl back in bed and not deal with anything. Not the best method of survival, I know.
The NY trip was alright. Thanks so much for all your well wishes. I had a good lesson, so that made everything worth it. Actually, I had a great time with my grandparents and aunt and it was awesome to see some old friends in the city. I guess the only bad thing is that now I'm exhausted. I feel like a truck ran over me, actually...and also like I haven't gotten anything done in way too long of a time. I know that's not true (I was only gone for 52 hours...sheesh.), but that's just how it feels. I slept all afternoon and had the most disconcerting dreams and so I just feel...well...disconcerted.
Sorry to complain. Nothing is all that bad, I know.
Tomorrow, a long run and a Time Trial 1500m swim. And some practicing and a tiny bit of teaching. Maybe all that normalcy will make me functional again.
4 comments:
CONGRATULATIONS! Change can be really scary....but it does sound like an awesome opportunity. Sleep on it, enjoy your day tomorrow, and just go with your gut instinct, I guess?
If it is as huge an opportunity as it sounds, you have to do it.
It can lead to other things.
Sounds like a really good opportunity. I'm not good at traveling either, but somehow I know you'll make it work out.
Hope you are recoved from your NY trip soon.
Congratulations on Haddonfield. It sounds really amazing. I can understand your frustration with possible interference in your schedule. I, too, am a creature of habit, and would be sorely discombobulated (not sure if this is really a word, but I think it works here) if I had to live out of a suitcase for a month. No real words of advice for you, but if you decide to do it, you can always run, and maybe you would be able to find a pool somewhere to swim. Another TNT group to play with?
Good luck with your decision.
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